“How is that messy city? I wish you’d come home.”

“It’s fine, Mom.”

“I saw Azalia at Neiman’s last week. She said Katherine hadn’t seen you in ages. What’s going on, Reese?”

“I wish you wouldn’t gossip, Mother. You know how I feel about Katherine.”

“I just thought you’d hang out with her more since you don’t know many people there.”

“I know people.”

“Her mother said she has a great group of friends.”

“They’re premature yuppies. You know how I feel about that, too.”

“How about your co-workers?”

“Uh, about that…”

“About what, Reese?”

“I decided to quit last week.”

“Oh Jesus. This is exactly how it started with him.”

“It isn’t always about him. I believe we all have a purpose. And analyzing the stock market behind a particle-board desk in a depressing cubicle is not my calling.”

“I don’t understand how you could just quit without another job lined up.”

“Something will come along.”

“But it was such a good job. I can’t keep bailing you out, Reese.”

“I don’t need help.”

“I’ll make a flight out for Friday. Maybe you should come home.”

“You don’t need to come out. I’m busy with job interviews next week.”

Just a few stretches of the truth here and a few omissions there. The less she’s informed the better she is.

Post-unemployment sign-up, I once again have absolutely nothing to do. Everyday seems to go this way: I wake up. Check my email–which is usually bare aside from the three daily emails from my grandmother that concern cat photography, forwards filled with slanted bigotry, and silly questionnaires. Then I spend a sick amount of time checking every celebrity website—multiple times a day. Lastly, I head over to Facebook and stalk every person I vaguely know. I delight in every post-graduate loser I find in my same situation. By this time it’s  hit the eleven o’clock hour and I can justify entertaining myself with food.

My new lunch diet consists of peanut butter and honey sandwiches, each and every day. I’m insanely poor and they give the most bang for your buck. And something about them is extremely comforting. They smell like elementary school.

On those final days, before returning to that arid building on that stale-yellow bus, I lived like a Wild Thing out of a Maurice Sendak story. Making mischief, running the streets, and formally escaping to my relentless imagination. You could find me with a horde of yellow-eyed cohorts, basking in the final, precious moments of autonomy. I lived those days with ferocity, cherishing each second in that small space of time, knowing that it would so soon be over.

As I graduated from high school and went to university my coinage was laid to rest; higher-education was better suited for me, and promptly became something I immensely enjoyed. Those final days of freedom suddenly turned in to another day, just like any other.

And though this might make me sound like a masochist of sorts–now that I’m considered an adult, I long for those final days of bliss before my yearly sentence. It’s not as if I miss what was coming, but I miss what was–having a lucid grip on the reality that our days should be dear. Making mischeif like little Max. Giving in to our imaginations. And howling at the moon.

The indie-all stars are back to the recording studio after pimping out Oracular Spectacular until those last notes ran completely dry. The boys of MGMT, Ben Goldwasser and Andrew VanWyngarden, have been locked away in a house somewhere in Malibu working on their new album titled “Congratulations” set to be released in early 2010. This time around Peter Kember, a.k.a. Sonic Boom and founding member of Spaceman 3, is helping them arrange the album.

Until then, look out for their collaborations with Kid Cudi, The Flaming Lips, and Jay-Z on each of their upcoming albums.

Most of us have seen Point Break, right? If not, I can recap it in a few simple words. Keanu Reeves: FBI agent/surfer dude. Patrick Swayze: Zen Surfer/Bank Robber.

This might be one of the best pieces of shit ever–with Patrick Swayze spewing out “enlightened” comments, and Keanu Reeves saying truly unforgettable things like “Vaya con Dios” and “You going to jump or jerk off?” in his standard Keanu tone.

Point Break is one of those squeamishly delightful train wrecks that’s fun to watch over and over again–all the while laughing at it, not with it.

Lucky us, the folks over at The Dragonfly see the beauty in this beast and recreate the film in an even more awesomely bad adaptation of the original–requiring the audience to utilize their imagination in the best of ways. Shown in the picture is the cast “skydiving out of a plane,” providing limited props and a fan on high for visuals. These elements are meant to cover both set design and special effects departments. This minimalist approach requires some interesting thinking outside the box.

To make matters even funnier, they have auditions before the show and pluck a Johnny Utah (Reeve’s character) straight from the audience. The folks putting this on do a great job of making an unaware comedy into a very aware live action show.

Point Break Live runs every Friday and Saturday night starting at 8 pm. Tickets go for $20, but buy them ahead of time because this show is always packed.

The Dragonfly is located at 6510 Santa Monica Blvd.

It seems we’re all on a budget these days, and finding cheap things to do around town–or, better yet, free things–is a definite plus. A city the size of Los Angeles brings a slew of free entertainment, both good and bad.

Jazz night on Fridays at the LACMA tops the list of to-do’s in the city, and to make matters even more appealing it’s free. Completely free–aside from parking if you can’t find a spot on the street.

Jazz night starts at 6 pm, but get there early if you want a good seat in front. Or if you can’t make it in time, bring a blanket and set yourself up on the lawn. Beer and wine are sold for a nominal price, along with summer-eats.

Even if you’re not a huge jazz fan, the music is enjoyable and the atmosphere is unbeatable. And you can feel good about this cultural happy hour of sorts. Instead of spending yet another afternoon in the corner of your dingy bar, you’re drinking outside. And enjoying fine jazz.

This Friday, July 7th, Trio Loco, a contemporary jazz group, will be playing at the LACMA. You can check out their website at lacma.org.

Although I’m likely to break an ankle in the process of sporting these, I’m fully prepared to rock the platform pump this fall. Lucky for us, designers at every price point are looking to get you in a pair of these too. Here’s a list of some of our favorites so far, from the totally reasonable to the totally expensive.

Clockwise from the top left–Balenciaga Pumps can be found at balenciaga.com. Michael Kors Nikki Platform shoe can be found at Macys.com. For a good knock-off of the sold-out Yves Saint Laurent pump, these Bebe platforms will do the trick. They can be found at bebe.com. These red platform pumps by Dolce Vita are another reasonably priced, and reasonably cute, find. You can purchase them at dolcevita.com. This ruched number by Burberry called the Prorsum pump is on sale at net-a-porter.com. These peep-toe pumps are surprisingly by Nine West. You can find the Bonfire Pump at ninewest.com. Last up, we have the Peep Toe Platform Pump from Christian Louboutin. You can find these at barneys.com in a number of colors.

The homepage for the State of California’s Employment Development Department laughs in my face. Lets just call it what it is. You’re a joke that can’t hold a job and has to rely upon the government to survive. UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS. There, I said it. “To file a claim start here.” I can’t believe I’m “here.” I really fucked myself believing it was OK that I got fired while looking like a downtown tramp, thinking it was maybe even a good thing.

Eight weeks and one day have gone by and I’ve received no response from Amy. Not even a confirmation that she received my email, or a confirmation to the confirmation email asking if she could confirm that she got my original email.

My stories may be lost in inter-web land. However, I find it more likely that she thought they were written by a pretentious know-nothing. She must have thought they were so wretched that I didn’t even deserve the decency of a “they’re good but need a little more work” email. My mood has been running somewhere between an orange and a red. Inching closer to the line of high and severe risk of complete panic.

I have since applied to more stooge jobs, but at this point it seems even they don’t want me. It turns out getting fired for being a drunken mess makes it hard to find new employer. For some reason, legitimacy speedily flies out the window.

Congratulations! You’ve won three hundred and 382 dollars a week in unemployment. I’ll never be able to look the mailman in the eyes again. He’ll know my secret. I’m part of society’s cross-eyed elite. At times I can’t help but feel like karma had some hand in this. Revenge for the vengeance night with Katherine.

It’s funny how my theme song has changed over the last two months. It started out in the tune of “Everything in Its Right Place,” off Radiohead’s Kid A with it’s momentary bliss, and has since turned into something like “Paranoid Android,” off their Ok Computer–juvenile depression and all.

With a lack of stimulation, motivation quickly disappears.

I haven’t stepped outside my apartment or even washed my hair in four days. I feel my first dread forming on the back of my head and now spend countless hours each day toying with it.

I’m entertaining the idea of moving to Jamaica and becoming a Rasta-man who sells bad herb to unsuspecting tourists. Peter Tosh lyrics make this sound incredibly inviting. However, with my luck, peddling would last less than a week before I’d turn into the next Natalie Holloway. Just a less publicized one. CNN would find it harder to spin a story about a mid-twenties dope dealer with dreads.

Any comedy troupe that produced the likes of Amy Poehler, Adam McKay, and Horatio Sanz must be legit. The Upright Citizens Brigade is an improv comedy troupe founded in Chicago in 1990, which has since moved cities and now boasts Hollywood and New York locales.

Last weekend I experienced my first UCB show at their small theater off Franklin near Bronson. You know–that strip of cool shops and restaurants across from that looming castle.

Attending a UCB show was one of the best things I’ve ever done in Los Angeles for $8–or even $20, had they asked me to pay that. I happened to go on a night they were doing a bit called The Shit Show.

The Shit Show is essentially just as it sounds. Comedians showcase the shittiest projects they’ve ever been in, which is funny stuff right there. But hilarity ensues when the peanut gallery, a.k.a. the rest of the comedians waiting for their turn on the chopping block, chime in with zingers throughout.

Reno 911’s Tom Lennon showcased some of his best-worst with a promotional video he did in his early teens for a video game company. A prepubescent Lennon in bad clothes with even worse dialogue is funny. When six other comedians interject their comments, it’s oh-so-good. Human Giant’s Rob Huebel plays host to this mess.

Upright Citizens Brigade theater offers a few shows each night. Reservations can be made in advance, but you still need to be there about twenty minutes before the show and line up for seats.

You can check out their upcoming schedule at losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/schedule/.

I recently discovered this cozy little hideaway tucked in the quiet strip of Melrose between Doheny and Robertson in West Hollywood. And let’s just say I’m slightly ecstatic with this find.

Deep booths and chalkboards with the daily specials line the walls of this dimly lit restaurant, leaving a feel of complete comfort. The staff is laid-back in the best of ways, and at the same time they’re knowledgeable about every angle of the menu. The drinks are poured stiff, and the margaritas are the best I’ve found in the city. The beef hamburger is delectable (they also offer up a duck and pork burger). Maybe better than Father’s Office good.

If these aren’t enough reasons to the love this gem, there’s a happy hour that’s so inexpensive it almost makes you feel like you’re robbing the place. Five dollar cocktails and appetizers and three dollar beers? Count me in.

Melrose Bar and Grill is somewhat of a celeb hideaway. So don’t be surprised if you see the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow lurking somewhere in a corner booth.

Melrose Bar and Grill is located at 8826 Melrose Ave. West Hollywood, CA 90069.

I love plaid. Not mid-90’s flannel plaid, but good, button-up, cotton plaid. It’s simple, preppy-chic at its finest.

But, for some reason, so much good plaid is done bad. And bad plaid is scary. Like “I just ingested road kill and my sister is also my cousin” scary.

And, for some reason, the market is flooded with unfortunate plaid. So for the last few months I sacrificed myself to the white-trash gods and went on a hunt for the best balanced plaid–trying on the good, the bad, and the truly ugly. Finally, after many unfortunate fittings, I found the perfect plaid. A plaid with all the right colors and with checks in all the right places.

My trials ended with three winners.

First Up-Steven Alan.

Steven Alan is the God of East Coast prep. Not only does he make a fine plaid for the girls and the boys, but he also does a button-up in general, perfectly. And to make life even more wonderful, this number is on sale at stevenalan.com. Shown are the two on the far right. The top is the Women’s Reverse seam and under it is the Single Needle Shirt in Rainbow.

My second discovery was Isabel Marant’s plaid.

Isabel Marant is effortless sexy. She makes plaid dresses, shirts, and even a plaid romper cool. Shown is the Olena Silk Plaid Tunic. As with all Isabel Marant, these plaid pieces fit to perfection and are the perfect blend of elegant and casual. Shown are the three on the left. The top piece is the Olena Slik in Blue Plaid Tunic. The two below it are the Olena Silk Plaid shirt in red.

Next we have Elizabeth and James.

Although I rarely endorse celebrity-produced lines, the Olson twins truly have done something right with these designs. Not only do they make fantastic plaid, but also great dresses and jackets. Elizabeth and James can be found at nordstrom.com. Shown are the two pieces in the middle. The top shirt is the School Boy Shirt and below it is the Freshman.

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