Yesterday my mother called. I pulled myself out of depression long enough to have an “I’m doing fine” conversation with her. Giving her any indication of my present situation, mentally and physically, would have had her out here in minutes and me on my way to the local loony bin. Not a pleasant option. “How [...]
GOODNIGHT SEVERANCE– The homepage for the State of California’s Employment Development Department laughs in my face. Lets just call it what it is. You’re a joke that can’t hold a job and has to rely upon the government to survive. UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS. There, I said it. “To file a claim start here.” I can’t believe [...]
I’m not sure when being a investment banker type became cool again, but apparently it is and everyone failed to inform me. I guess all trends recycle. I just figured that one originating from the Reagan and Bushie era would take a bit longer to come around. My peers at the party look as if [...]
THURSDAY– The number of people at the Santa Monica’s Farmers Market at two o’clock on a Thursday afternoon amazes me. I can’t figure out how so many people in this city never work, and yet they all seem well endowed, with their Mercedes coupes, couture digs, and astonishing breasts. I peacefully purchase my produce and [...]
It’s never a good thing when the head of human resources finds you asleep on your desk. I don’t know if it’s the crowd that’s formed, the pile of drool on my desk, or the fact that my right breast is about an inch away from being completely exposed. But Nikki, stinky perfume’s boss’s boss, [...]
WEDNESDAY- I feel fantastic. The point when the drunk still entertains and the hangover has yet to set in. I forgot to sleep last night. Matt and I amused ourselves with a bong, a laser pointer, and a cat until the sun came up. Who knew watching a feline body-slam the wall in an effort [...]
I fly through the workday spending it by staring at her business card and daydreaming of book signings. I don’t even pretend to look busy. My roommate’s already on our shabbier than chic couch with the cat. I tell her my exciting news and she can barely fake a smile. She is the Ruler of [...]
TUESDAY- There’s something to a cat’s rough tongue licking you awake because you’ve slept through your alarm. The dry, abrasive thing runs across my face. Interesting fact: the bumps on a cats tongue contain keratin, the same ingredients our fingernails are made up of. Bizarre. Fuck. That really is my alarm and I’m spewing out [...]
Lunch is my savior. My hour of life mid-day. I walk out of that architectural beauty of a high-rise, smell not quite fresh, but at least un-circulated air, and power puke in my special place. It must be Monday. Who would have thought the alley around the corner next to the big blue garbage bin [...]
MONDAY- Outings are frequent. It’s too early. Always too early. I’d rather someone stab a pencil through the palm of my hand then drive to work right now. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Go. Stop. The incessant moving makes me vomit in my mouth. I’m a pro. I know how to swallow. Go away you wretched [...]